What I Think Everyday!

The mind keeps you busy. The heart keeps you occupied. All the talking I have ever been able to do is a synthesis of the mind and heart. I often think this helps me maintain a balance of thoughts. When one goes too far, the other pulls it back and somehow always, the two end up going together.

So, the mind and heart together, although create a wondrous balance also leave me so perplexed that I have had to shut down both, in order to move on to something else or to simply go about the mundane but necessary occupations of the day.

Countless ideas, countless opinions, thoughts and possible actions from them are lost, and get wasted in this way. There is just no time to think so much, see so many things and voice out so many words as the mind and heart go through in a single day. And so, as it ends, I am left restless, angry and dissatisfied. So here, I take my laptop and try to sum up all that has been going on over the past few days. Even as I type this, a part of me knows that a lot of matters are going to be overlooked in this process too. But I need to get it out… so here I am.. I am trying..

First thing in my mind is Ironies. It is not a new concept. In fact, one that is more understood by most of us. But the magnitude with which it keeps hitting has just permanently made its place in my mind. It is like an automatic process: something happens and my mind is ready with the analysis. Irony: With pain behind toothy smiles and mockery behind praise and cunning behind cries. One could hate it but one has to accept living with it. That and another thing closely related. Paradox is a frustrating and demoralizing truth.  

Then comes the ‘Greater Good’ concept. Simple words like good and bad being subjective, my opinions hardly satisfy me. There is always an angle not analysed, an idea not ventured through and truth not figured. Questions do not end. Learning does not end. Confusion further does not end. I wonder how long I shall keep going. I even wonder if I should keep going. Knowledge could become a heavy burden. But the great ones say it is the opposite: knowledge makes you free. I hope I reach there one day. Because today, at least, the more I learn, the angrier, sorry and restless I get. Knowledge is tying me down still. I am not free, yet.

Then there are people. I learn more from them, than I ever have or would by reading books. I fight with myself everyday over a choice between the two: people and books. I am drawn to people. I need people, as I need to breathe. Being around them makes me feel more alive than experiencing a ‘Eureka’ moment with a great book. The thirst for knowledge pulls me to books. I love reading. But it is by being around people that I can live what I learn from books. Knowledge for knowledge’s sake is pointless. It is boring. It has to be applied, tested, twisted and evolved. It needs to be exposed. It needs practice. People give me that.

And then it is those things that I have left behind. The habits that changed and the priorities that changed. Growth makes you take decisions, sooner or later. But it does not take away memories. And in no way does it curb passions. But truth be told, the realization of what I left behind to move on to something else pulled my strength down by several levels. It is a daily mental war, to stand up and act, to not think of what is gone and do my best with the job at hand.

And finally those things that make me smile. Or laugh. Antidotes to the sorry state of affairs, and a solace from all the worry I have about the world. Loving people and their care, steaming mugs of tea and hot breakfasts, distress calls and cute photographs, favourite foods and talkative friends, starry nights and wind in my hair, the toothless smile of a little baby and a warm hug of a sweetheart. Small things matter the most. They singularly make living beautiful. Even with all the things above, I still have a lightness in my heart and a jump to my walk because I know there are always more things to be happy about than to be sad.

Of what I saw on the road yesterday...

I did not even realize it's already the end of Navratri, with Vijayadhashami coming tomorrow to end the nine-night battle with Victory of the mighty Goddess Durga... Victory of good over evil.. a story I have heard every year.. This year, my mind has opened to newer things, my eyes to more good and evil.
Yesterday near Market yard in Pune, there came together some 15 to 20 people, on the main road, occupying half the lane, a small speaker kept on a chair on the side was playing the Dandiya version of 'Suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen'. The people were of all ages: some wearing lungis; little girls and boys with patched clothes and no footwear. Holding wooden sticks in both hands this group of people had formed a neat circle and with some simple and synchronized steps were having a dandiya raas. In the middle of the road, yes!

Those smiles and the laughter touched me so fast, my tired face split into a wide smile without my brain having the slightest idea! 
They don't need big lawns, they don't need the orchestra. Hell! they don't need any costumes or decorated dandiyas! And best of all, they don't need to tell their religion to anyone.
A person passing by them would not even care to wonder what religion these people might be. They were simply a few people who wished to dance with the two sticks and the dhol. And their own faiths do not restrict them from doing so.


In some parts of our country, a few elected leaders decided Muslim men could not attend any venues having Navratri Dandiya and garba celebrations. They apparently would hunt down innocent girls and make them victims of the dreaded Love Jihad conspiracy

It made me sad. The threats of 'Love Jihad' and conspiracies of the like may be true. But existence of such elements does to give sense to the idea of restricting people of one particular religion for festivals which have for centuries brought all people together, irrespective of their formal faith of worship.

Festivals of India: Navratri, Diwali, Christmas, Ramzan Eid, Baisakhi, Lori, Pateti, Chaturmaas, Onam, Pongal.. This list could well take the rest of the page.. well, these are festivals of INDIA, not of any one particular separate group of people within India.

All issues of communal-ism, vote bank politics, separatism, proxy wars, terrorism, religious fundamentalism, aside, these festivals, ALL, all of of them have one custom in common: coming together of loved ones, sharing sweets, celebrating with families and friends, exchanging hugs, love and countless smiles. They bind us as Indians, they are our culture and they form a major part of our united Nationalism. 

Festivals are not occasions to mix social and political problems with. They are the one thing even the most frustrated and pessimistic Indian holds close to his heart.
Maybe we do have to take steps to curb situations of fooled marriages and relationships of non Muslim girls with some Muslim guys. But Navratri celebrations are not the grounds for that. There are solutions for preventing this from happening but this step is not justified. 

There are too many good Muslims in this nation. Of the second largest number of people to follow Islam in the world, most (and a very large most) are also proud Indians, who swear by their friends and are invited to every festival or occasion that their neighbors - whatever faith they are - may host. Also, we Indians love to dance, and some part of the population was just deprived from enjoying that.

This restriction was put in only some places, in my knowledge, two districts. But it did happen. And it is sad. If I had a Muslim friend in that city, I would have loved to invite him for dandiya. I am thinking about the people who actually missed out going because of this. Who is to blame when negative and bitter feelings rise in their hearts. They were just given one more reason to feel unwelcome and unwanted.

These very leaders need to be told the story of Good over Evil again. They need to be shown what they are doing is going to, in the long (or short?) run, have worse effects that they claim to be avoiding. They need to be sat down in classrooms and told that they must not be resorting to creating malice in the hearts of the Muslim population when this is the exact time to be at harmony with it. India needs to reassure these citizens of hers that they are very much her part, and needs to stop looking at them with suspicious eyes all the time...

That little group on the road had nothing stopping it from celebrating Navratri.. I don't know nor care who they are. For me they are a beautiful spectacle of Indianness..

USA: 12 days down!

I am in a different country. And I dunno how I feel. It's supposed to be the best place in the world to love.. Developed to this highest of physical and intellectual possibilities of the human race, every person belonging here seems to not need any other person around them. Just leave them with their iPhone, headphones and books or kindles.. But at the same time, each of these people seems surprisingly aware of the presence and the relevance of every person around them. Yes, this place is weird. With it's overfriendly people and their kindness and their extreme harmony with the concept of individualism... So after a while, I let the people and the behaviour go and concentrated on the places. The roads, fantastic! But for a barbarian like me, they signify human intervention to the best or worst... Parkings dug 4 storeys deep, 8 lane roads throughout with well maintained lawns at the sides, the surface so smooth that you think even a car might slip. Then the actual places. Monuments have no significant writings on them. There are amazing recyclable dustbins everywhere. Every place you go, you can get real, authentic information about it, without even any human presence. And Some places are just there. They do not need a reason to be there, except that they look really beautiful. You have to pay for everything. You have to pay at every place and food is expensive, again for a barbarian like me who's maths has considerably improved as the brain automatically starts converting dollars to rupees at the sight of every price tag! Dude. It's expensive! This place is diverse... It's culture changes with every state, so does the English accent and yeah,.so does the time... Three time zones in one country.. So we are jet lagged by simply taking a flight from here to there... USA is advanced in a lot of ways. You just can't help being awed by these people and their love for living their lives their own way. But I miss India.. Every day, every moment. However amazing this country may be, it does not give me a cutting chai ka tapri and it does not give me the satisfaction of seeing jugaad in every aspect of daily life.. And I have been away just 12 days.. Seriously! I am one Nautanki...

To my World out there... Miss you loads..

An Open Letter

An open letter to the Policeman, the High court and above all, the Supreme Court.

Dear Officers,

So, a four year old girl was raped in my city. The rapists were the very same people responsible for her safe travel to and from school. They were arrested. They will be interrogated by you, tried by you and punished too, sooner or maybe very much later. Meanwhile, the family of the little kid, friends, and citizens of Pune will protest and voice their anger about the incident by keeping black display pictures on the social network and march on the streets wearing black t shirts. And then a few days will pass. And everyone will put it behind their heads and move on.

I’ll tell you what else will happen. The parents of the little girl will never get her back. Each of you might have children. Can you imagine losing them? Also, the classmates of the girl will be told their friend is not going to come back. And all these girls will grow up, and know the truth then, and shudder when they look at themselves in the mirror. It could have been them. Worse, it can still be them. What else will happen? The other parents will wonder if they should ever let their child get on a bus again. Many won’t. Mothers will be more scared, fathers will have blood pressure issues. All their daughters will grow up in closed, safe atmospheres, never allowed to step out of their comfort zones, because one step out, and there are a million monsters waiting to punish them for being females. Wait a minute. Oh! This already happens to most girls, right?

So, all the freedom, education, globalization, liberalization, westernization, rationality failed to change one thing about us Indians: the way we look at girls and the way we think about them.

All this, you already know. You are all knowing and ‘taking all the necessary steps to bring this problem to an end.’ But please let me suggest to you one last thing that you can do.

Next time you successfully catch hold of a rapist. Don’t give him to the public to be beaten. He might get killed, but there are worse punishments than death. Don’t cut out his genitals. He will still have eyes and hands. Don’t rape him. You are not like him. Oh! Wait a minute again. You anyways don’t do all that. Anyways.

Just do one thing. Remove his clothes and walk him throughout the city. You will not be violent, you will not spill blood. But make this one man realize what it is to lose all his respect and self-esteem. What it is to have every person in the town, or even country talk about your sexuality, what it is to lose it, and what it is to live in a society which will never accept you again as before, will look down at you and even blame you for being victimized. Make him only realize what it is to be raped in India. Make him regret being human, make him regret being born.

Punishment is not the end to this. The change of the Pathetic Indian mind is.

She was four years old. She did not even know what it is to be a girl. How can you sleep? You are law keepers of this country. If you decide, you can help end this. Just help change the thinking. Or at least just do it because you are human. Come on.

-A girl.

The Starry Ceiling

Seven years ago, my parents got these stars stuck on the ceiling of my bedroom. They were stickers that fed on light during the day and reflected the same at night, when it got pitch dark.

Every night, as I lie down to sleep off another night after another day gone by, I have looked up and told myself just one thing: they are not real. They stay there, still and unmoved. They do not have their own light to give out. What they have now will slowly exhaust within a few hours. I would think that much and then, look at one particular star intensely, trying hard to imagine it was a real one and that i was sleeping right under the sky, with no cement, iron and bricks between me and the universe. Countless times, I have dozed off holding onto that very thought.

But tonight, I look at them again and I realize that I know better right now. I know that, if I really did sleep under the real starry sky, the stars I would see could be older than seven years. 
The Universe, by the time it reached the tiny pupils of my eyes, was already several months, years, decades and even millennia old.

And then I look at those on my dear old ceiling. Seven years, and they have been just here, exactly here, not moved an inch, not got for themselves to own, even a sliver of the light they now radiate.

And then I ask myself the question. It is the only question I have ever learnt to ask. The only question to which I have never got a satisfactory answer. The only question that anyone my age will ask.

What's the point?

What is the point of knowing all this? What is the point of thinking all this? Where am I going with it and what do I want to prove with all this?

The surprise of the night, and the sole reason, it got me to get up and take my pen after days is that, I got an answer. I got my Answer.

There is no point. There is no point knowing so much, knowing the right and wrong, fair and unfair, real and unreal.. Truth be told, I need only to live it out. I need to only look at that starry ceiling and enjoy the fact I have stars of my own for all these years, and also like the fact that there are real stars somewhere out there and that they are beautiful, but still unreal.

The motive of it all is not to know it... it is to Live..