"Where have you stopped?“

I recently went to Mumbai to attempt yet another exam for recruitment in the paramilitary forces. Between the two papers I had to attempt, we had a two hour break. As I sat down on a damp stair to munch on my packed theplas with some tea, an elderly gentleman sat beside me and asked politely if I cared for one of his homemade sandwiches. A few niceties later I found out he was conducting a Forum in the college we were in. That was why the whole place was packed on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

When I asked him what this forum was about, he scoffed. Two minutes later he asked me abruptly, “Where have you stopped in life?”

I did not find it to be a bizarre question. But I was mildly awed at my own reply. “I haven’t stopped.”

As our conversation proceeded, I figured he was bent on finding if there was something in my life that was pulling me back, or something of that sort. Also, he really believed that he could help me and the very idea made him very happy.

I participated in the rest of the conversation simply in order to let him continue feeling the same way. And in turn I was enjoying doing just that. I even noted down the address and phone number of his organization, knowing very well that I would never be using it.

What stayed with me were that question and the answer.

Of the millions of universal truths we believe in as a society and as experiences justify and make us repeat them, there is the one that ‘things keep changing, and life keeps moving on.’

But then, at the same time there are people like this gentleman and all those whom he inspires and helps who keep looking for points where people’s lives have stopped, got stuck..

So it seems like a paradox to me here: life keeps moving but people are stopped.

To put it in a relatively literal reference, the heart keeps beating but the mind is stuck. (yeah! Blog title reference!)

There was a time I was stuck. And I am glad it happened. It helped me know myself truly. And it showed how strong I can be. And most of all, it helped me be happy about who I am. Being stuck helped me be unapologetic about being myself. I stopped everything and embraced myself. And it was only then that I took the next step forward.

And like I told the man, I don’t feel that I have stopped anymore. Of course there are issues, worries and troubles I have- big and small. And as life keeps moving I carry some with me, leave some behind. But I do not stop, even if I want to. And sometimes I want to stop. Sometimes life is great. All the right ingredients are put in and it all tastes great. But I still know there’s got to be a change. Breathing just makes you go on. You got to take the next step because you gotta change the scene!

Nah! I haven’t accepted that one universal truth and made it one of my principles. I have made a choice to keep moving – from the good and the bad too.

The man’s question makes sense to some people. Some of us are really stuck. There just are situations that do not allow us to make breakthroughs in the directions we want to. And even as we do keep breathing and our life does keep moving, our minds just remain on the one plane or situation or issue. But I also think even as we approach forums, people, therapies to help us move ahead, it basically is our choice. Being stuck is not losing. It is not a problem that you have, that needs to be solved. It is a choice you made, even if it must have been when you were in grave turmoil or most vulnerable. And it is completely up to you, and what you want, that you make the choice to move ahead or continue being stopped.

I am not writing this to glorify my choices. (I do talk a lot about myself!).

I am writing this because I’d be happy living in a world in which, if when asked ‘Where have you stopped?’ people can say, ‘I have stopped here, and I don’t mind that it happened to me. I’ll get out of it when I am ready.’

Yeah , I don’t believe a forum can teach you life.

Life can itself teach you life.

Open Minds

I went to a school which gave too much importance to morals and values. This school was established in Sind in 1933 and was completely uprooted and shifted to Pune after partition. Founded by a philanthropist who is revered by the Sindhi community as a Saint, today it is not as well known in the city as the other elite schools. It was named after a saint- Mira Bai. But because it is called St. Mira’s it has often been ignorantly thought to be a Convent School.

St. Mira’s is a secular school. I guess a bit too secular. That is why I find the need to mention it as a description. We prayed every day before the first period. The prayer hall is called Sanctuary where stands a life size statue of our Founder Sadhu Thawar Lilaram Vaswani. I always wondered why we were saying prayers to every God with the statue of a mortal man before us. But today I am thankful for that Sanctuary period. That man was a symbol of goodness, of kindness and a huge amount of Positivity.

I learnt about all the festivals and important occasions of India in that hall. I learnt Christmas Carols, I learnt chapters from the Gita. I learnt about Ramzan Eid, Muharram, Pateti, Easter, Janmashtami, Onam, Durga Pooja, Gurunanak Jayanti,  It was not just text book knowledge, but we actually celebrated all of the festivals. All in front of Sadhu T.L. Vaswani.

The sanctuary period also included meditation. It gave me a lot of time to think, wonder and question about everything around me. Ever since I have memory of, I have always questioned the need to pray. I have never asked questions that has troubled me to anyone. I have always found their answers on my own. And as much as I questioned the function of the sanctuary, I came about to accept it. I made an agreement with myself that there could be something I could gain by repeating the Gayatri Mantra and Mrutyunjay Mantra every single day. I told myself there was no running away from prayer because the people who brought me here believe this could make me a better person. This meant they care about me. This couldn’t hurt. So why not do it properly?

During the last two-three years of school, I mostly conducted the Sanctuary. I guided about 400 students through a series of prayers, songs and celebrations. It felt wonderful because then saying the prayers myself became secondary. Doing my job became the priority.

Sanctuary slowly imbibed in me a quality that is so very important today that I guess all the future peace of the world depends on it. It gave me an open mind. It gave me, at a very young age the power to accept things, people and situations as they are and make the most of what I can get my hands on.

Sadhu Vaswani’s heir, the very old and yet the very sweet and agile Dada J.P. Vaswani, when asked by countless students, ‘What is it that India needs today?’, would answer the same thing:  “India needs men and women of good character.”

It took me years to actually understand what Character is. It took me longer to realize that in some way or another school and my family had helped me have a strong character. But after a certain point it became my responsibility to develop that character and give back to the world all I can in the best way possible. But first, for developing this Character it was necessary for me to have an open mind- in order to be at peace with the world I wish to work in and for.

So for me, Dadaji’s answer stretches out to the need of men and women with an open mind. Here, I am not saying that an open mind is one that simply accepts and allows everything that is going on around. I mean a lot of things.

An open mind is one that agrees there is good and there is bad. And it is up to the mind if it wants to do something about the bad. An open mind does not mind new ideas, perspectives, methods, in fact, it could be interested in new things, even be supportive of them.

An open mind tolerates. It disagrees with humility but does not boil down on what does not appeal to it. An open mind does not criticize. True, criticism is good for growth. But there is no meaning in criticizing something that cannot be changed or improved. That is just casting a negative shadow on the thing for absolutely no reason.

An open mind is sensitive. It is understanding and has a loud conscience. An open mind is just. It wouldn’t put down another for the sake of its own gain.

An open mind keeps learning. It learns from everyday situations and it learns from its mistakes. It is honest enough to admit when at fault and smiles in appreciation on hearing what others think of it.

An open mind forgives. It seeks to see people beyond their deeds and image and tries to get to know that humanity within.

An open mind finds it easy to unite with another because their differences don’t really matter when there is clarity of conscience.

What India needs today, are men and women with open minds. With the number of issues and worries of human civilization increasing by the day, it is getting imperative for minds to open up and embrace all that is good all around and stand together.  For most people today, all that matters is putting food in a plate, getting a decent education and being able to get a good night’s sleep. For the rest of us with these privileges, shouldn’t there be greater things to matter?

Causes to stand for aren’t few. But not everyone today has the time to run down the streets with placards and rally, not everyone has the strength to make things better for others with nothing to gain for themselves in the process. But the least that can be done is to let the good guys do their work, to not have a thinking so narrow that it would get clogged with the same old beliefs and ideas and the streams of good change would have no way to get through them; to not be judgmental and make peace with the fact that the world does not run according to the nerves in your brain.

I still have a long way to go in this process. We all do!

There are just too many people in the world. Thinking with an open mind will, if nothing else, at least get you more friends.